Letter to B - Month Twelve

Dear Brooks,

I cannot put into words how unfathomable it is to me that you are one year old.  This year has marked the most monumental in my life and while it has been completely magical and wonderful, to be completely honest, it feels like someone threw me in a washing machine, spun me around to the point of almost drowning and then spit me out the other side.  And then as I sat there trying to compose myself, you crawled up to me, snuggled into my chest and giggled uncontrollably and all of a sudden I was sitting on a pile of clouds and rainbows and nothing else mattered.  Until your father walked in and said “what happened to your hair?”  True story. 
 

I think the most exciting news this month is that you are a WALKER!  You have gained so much stability recently, regularly standing on your own for long periods, and one day a few weeks ago, I said to your dad, “put him down and see if he’ll walk to me”.  And, YOU DID.  Even better is the fact that I happened to grab the video camera, so I have your VERY FIRST STEPS CAPTURED FOR ETERNITY.  It’s like the God of Working Motherhood was shining down on me that day.  Amma and Grandpa had been in town watching you the week before and we were certain you would take your steps then.  I had instructed Amma and Grandpa to flat out lie to me if that happened while I wasn’t around.  Better yet, if you started to take a step, I told them to PUSH YOU DOWN.  Gently, of course, but I really said that. 

But that day when you took your first steps, you walked back and forth between your dad and me, arms up in the air like a zombie, giggling wildly the entire time.  I was so proud and excited that I was screeching in the camera and after you had done this several times, you got down and crawled to your walker and looked at us like “now WATCH THIS!  I can go so much faster with this thing!  YOU ARE GOING TO BE AMAZED.”  

You haven’t walked much since then as speed is much more important to you than method.  You are quite an adept crawler and if you really want to get somewhere, you’ll just bend down and sprint-crawl across the room.  Just these last few days you have decided to walk on occasions when you could also crawl.  I still can’t tell you how happy I am to see you exercising some caution, because neither your father nor I had any when we were your age. 

With this newfound stability and strength, you’ve decided that you would like to climb things.  You’ll wobble over to something and try to lift your knee as if to climb on top of it, but you haven’t been able to reach it yet.  You have so much determination – your little face puckers up with concentration and it makes me so proud to watch you continually trying to do something.  You’ve tried to climb on top of the window seat several times to no avail until one day Mimi was sitting on the floor in front of it and you toddled over to her, put your foot on her knee, and climbed right up on top of that window seat.  And you didn’t even stop to congratulate yourself.  You just kept moving forward with such determination like now that you had reached the top of the mountain, you had to explore what was up there before someone took you down. 

Mimi has told me a story many times – the one about me when I was your age and she walked into the kitchen (where she had left me playing for only a moment) and she couldn’t find me.  Much to her surprise, she looked up and saw me sitting on top of the refrigerator.  I’ve heard this story many times, and while it sounded shocking, it didn’t quite register with me until I had you.  Thankfully we have cabinets on top of our refrigerator, so this won’t be an option for you, but I’m sure you’ll find something else.  PLEASE BE CAREFUL.  This month also marks your first emergency room visit (you are fine), but I’d like to avoid any in the future. 

One evening we were waiting for your dad to get home from work and we were outside in front of the house and you were walking up and down the sidewalk while I held onto your hands.  The UPS man came by and said “you know, they say learning to walk is the most difficult thing we’ll ever accomplish in life; that we’ll never try and fail at something so many times ever again”.  I never thought I’d hear such wise words from the UPS man.  So, remember that, okay?  If you can learn how to walk, you can do ANYTHING.  ANYTHING!  Even clean up your own poop! 

You have become a great eater in that you’ll try (and enjoy) just about anything.  As long as it is prepared to your liking.  I have made various chicken dishes for example, and you have loved them all.  The same goes for vegetables.  But if I try to serve you leftovers the next day, you will not have it.  You literally turn your nose up at me as if I must be some sort of imbecile to serve you something that is so beneath your social status.  I took the following picture of you when I was receiving such a scolding, as you were saying, “Listen, Woman.  My food will be fresh.  It will be organic.  It will be NOW.” 

Let me go ahead and set your expectations early.  There is no possible way that I am going to cook a fresh meal for dinner every single night for the rest of your life (or even for the next 6 months), so you’re going to have to get used to eating some leftovers, mmmkay?  And furthermore, when you are displeased with the meal that is placed in front of you, violently shaking your head back and forth and throwing the food all over the floor is not an appropriate response.  I’m pretty sure I got the message when you spit it out.

You started a new thing this month where when I’d go to get you out of your crib, you’d quickly turn around and bury your face in the mattress and put your butt up in the air and I thought “okay, I guess he’s not ready to get up yet”.  But I finally realized that you were actually requesting a backrub. You now regularly crawl up to me and turn around, presenting your back to me so that I can easily scratch it.  Like a dog.  

Your laugh is the most magical sound I’ve ever heard; it rocks me to my soul.  You have such an adorable sense of humor, and you are quite ticklish, which means I get to hear that incredible laugh of yours quite often.  You laugh with your entire being, down to your core, and the people who laugh like that are my most favorite on the planet.  The other day I was taking you to school and you just started laughing in the backseat – like you had just recalled something funny that had happened earlier.  You are so gloriously awesome.  

You have such a perfect little soul and I still can’t believe we are so lucky that of all the baby souls in the world, yours found its way to us.  You are determined, rambunctious, opinionated, and funny.  I was playing with you in the living room the other day and I laid down on the floor.  You looked over at me and started laughing like it was so funny that Mom was laying down in the middle of the room and then you crawled over to me, laid down right beside me and curled into my chest like “you’re so silly, Mom, but I’ll join you”.  

You’ve accomplished so much in this first year of your life and it has truly been an honor to watch you grow.  I am so amazed that we have kept you alive.  We are still fumbling buffoons, but many things are getting easier, and I am very much looking forward to the beautiful years to come. 

Love,
Mama

PS – I’m still counting “mama” as your first word, although you haven’t said it much since the first time.  You say “dada” all the time whether you’re pointing at your father, your bottle, or the toilet.  But at school, they told me that you said the word “gentle”.  I find this hilarious, because for that to be one of your first words, someone must be saying that to you quite frequently.  So, what have you been doing?  Patting the other babies with a bit too much “love”?  Throwing toys?  Either way, I think it’s precious that you’ll say “dintil”.   

PPS - Thank you for showing me that my heart could contain this much love.  I had no idea.   

Month Eleven

Month Ten

Month Nine

Month Eight

Month Seven

Month Six

Month Five

Month Four

Month Three

Month Two

Month One

 

Comments

[wanda]

So cute! I don't want this to be the last one!!! NO. Great things are yet to come. Record, record!

[Penny Murdaugh]

Shannon, Now don't take this the wrong way, but Brooks is absolutely beautiful; those big blue eyes, thick auburn "little boy" hair and that smile..there are no words to describe it. Let me just say, a flash of that smile is going to get him a long way in life:) Doesn't time just fly by? Happy 1st birthday, little man.